Thoughts
She wrote the following today…
It will not be easy for me to accept someone so easily the next time, but sincerity and concern would play a big role as well. I don’t know why somethings just don’t work out, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be…
Sometimes, when I think back, what have I done to deserve such things? Is it because of something what I’ve said or done? Is it totally my fault? These are just a handful of my unanswered questions. It’s too painful to confront them at the moment, and I shall take sometime to heal these wounds.
The wounds ain’t superficial. It runs deep. Only time will tell…
You know what’s the funny thing? I have exactly the same thoughts and exactly the same questions. What is it that I did that deserved the kind of treatment that I received leading to the end of the relationship? What is it that I did that deserved the kind of treatment that I received after the end of the relationship? Why is it that I didn’t feel any more care and concern towards the end of the relationship? Why is it that when I told her a mishap that happened with my family, I didn’t feel any concern at all? What is it exactly that I did wrong?
Those are just some of my unanswered questions, which I am dying to find out. I may be a guy, but I have feelings too. I may not cry physically, but my heart cries everytime I think of those times. Of the romance. Of the happiness. Of the hurt. It’s true that other than our differences, we did have a good time together as well.
Yes, I was the one who broke the relationship. Because I couldn’t take it that I didn’t feel the care and concern anymore. But until I find the answers to those unanswered questions, I will not be able to rest well. I will not be able to move on. I will not be able to trust my entire heart with another person so easily anymore.
I may be a guy, and in most relationships that failed, the guy is the bastard. Whether I am one or not, I need to find out. And if it is my fault, I want to know what is it that I did wrong, so I will not be repeating the same mistake again.
Tags: love
February 14th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
February 15th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Maybe the best advice I could give is… take ur time, reflect on ur side. As time goes by, maybe you will find the answers, maybe not. Thats OK, some things are better unexplained.
Nevertheless, u are a GREAT guy
February 15th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Love isn’t really an RPG game where you gain experience points, learn from mistakes and move on… each relationship is different and lessons learnt ain’t always applicable in the next one - for they are different people.
Sometimes there are just no answers to the questions. Relationships don’t fail overnight… it is a culmination of factors over time. I agree with Ben - spend time looking inward and reflect on it. Closure isn’t just about finding answers (or justice) - oftentimes the answers are not something we’ll like to hear either… for it reveals too much about ourselves.
Do give it time… and space.
I didn’t speak to my ex-gf (also my first) for 2-3 years before we were able to confront and reveal our feelings, respond with less emotions and find closure (somewhat). Time heals wounds - but not all of them.
February 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am
@rinaz:
@Ben, @Miccheng: Well, so much for our promises back then.
February 15th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
@hendri: Women are all fickle minded.