A Better Title

“No manual entry for love”. Well said.

This year’s Valentine’s Day started out very badly, but ended fairly.

I regretted turning on my PC during the two-hour break, because I didn’t manage to prepare well for the quiz that came after. I could only thank my memory for saving my ass in the quiz. At least I got 6 out of the 9 parts correct.

A lecture and a sleep later, and I arranged to meet a friend at Orchard. Of course, being a procrastinator, I dilly-dallied until the cows came home it was too late and we decided to meet at IMM instead. I weaved my way through flowers, kisses and teddy bears to IMM, barely missing getting hit by the myriad of hearts that floated above one too many people.

So there we were, two singles looking for a place to eat at IMM. It wasn’t long before we came into a conclusion that restaurants were for couples. For singles like us, it was Bushes Burger King!

We had the tender bushes tendergrill burger buddy meal, which came with two turkey bacon cheese tendergrill burgers, 4 pieces of overpriced Mexican chicken thingie ($3.95 for 4 puny pieces? You’ve got to be kidding…), tiny onion rings, fries, and 2 drinks. The burger was pretty nice, it has a patty that tastes like the chicken whopper but very tender (and oily), and it uses those corn-dusted buns which look not unlike one’s butt cheeks. I kid you not! (Too bad I can’t find a good picture of the burger so go order one if you want to know how it looks like).

Well, the food may not be fantastic, but really it’s the company that matters. For example, Apple and Mozilla are good companies while Microsoft is evil.

Oh, and how did the term Bushes King came about? Well, try typing “burger” using your phone with the dictionary (T9), and see what comes out in your phone. In my phone, the default one is “bushes”, and I happened to type the default one in my twit yesterday, hence the name.

After dinner, we went home and I walked the same route I used to do exactly a year ago. And then I wondered why is it that things have to turn out this way. I am sad and hurt, and I’ve never expected this to happen this way. It’s far away from what we talked about the last time. But oh well, perhaps like everyone else said, time and space will heal it.

Sometimes I wonder if leaving this country would be the best choice for me. At times I get this temptation to just leave everything all behind me, start again afresh somewhere else (maybe Australia?), and rebuild my life as I know it from scratch. After all, as of now I don’t have anything else that still ties me down in Singapore, except the three-year bond that I have. My heart is no longer here. Perhaps then I might be happier.

Or maybe not.

Loveless,
hendri

She wrote the following today…

It will not be easy for me to accept someone so easily the next time, but sincerity and concern would play a big role as well. I don’t know why somethings just don’t work out, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be…

Sometimes, when I think back, what have I done to deserve such things? Is it because of something what I’ve said or done? Is it totally my fault? These are just a handful of my unanswered questions. It’s too painful to confront them at the moment, and I shall take sometime to heal these wounds.

The wounds ain’t superficial. It runs deep. Only time will tell…

You know what’s the funny thing? I have exactly the same thoughts and exactly the same questions. What is it that I did that deserved the kind of treatment that I received leading to the end of the relationship? What is it that I did that deserved the kind of treatment that I received after the end of the relationship? Why is it that I didn’t feel any more care and concern towards the end of the relationship? Why is it that when I told her a mishap that happened with my family, I didn’t feel any concern at all? What is it exactly that I did wrong?

Those are just some of my unanswered questions, which I am dying to find out. I may be a guy, but I have feelings too. I may not cry physically, but my heart cries everytime I think of those times. Of the romance. Of the happiness. Of the hurt. It’s true that other than our differences, we did have a good time together as well.

Yes, I was the one who broke the relationship. Because I couldn’t take it that I didn’t feel the care and concern anymore. But until I find the answers to those unanswered questions, I will not be able to rest well. I will not be able to move on. I will not be able to trust my entire heart with another person so easily anymore.

I may be a guy, and in most relationships that failed, the guy is the bastard. Whether I am one or not, I need to find out. And if it is my fault, I want to know what is it that I did wrong, so I will not be repeating the same mistake again.

When we first met 4 weeks ago, it was hardly love at first sight.

I didn’t know you. Neither did you know me.

I spent our first week just listening to your stories. And over time, I grew to understand you better. I grew to trust you. I came to understand that you just wanted the best for me.

I was shocked when you popped those three words barely a week ago. I expected this to come, but I didn’t know it would be so fast. I have always been confused by your words and actions.

I was reluctant.

It wasn’t without any reasons.

As you might know, I had just recovered from a disastrous one. I really didn’t know what did I do wrong. Perhaps it was a miscalculation on my part. Perhaps I had taken the wrong steps. Perhaps I was just not good enough.

But you assured me this time I would be alright. I know you have prepared that special Valentine’s Day present for me. You wanted to keep it a secret, but I know you too well. You can’t hide secrets well, don’t you know that?

And so over the weekend I thought over and over again about it. I pondered and thought whether this would be the best for me.

I have decided now. Yes, I am willing to commit. I am willing to take the chances again to be hurt.

This time, I will calculate every step I take carefully. I will not make any more mistakes. I will do my best and work hard for it. I will even use a calculator, if I really have to.

I am looking forward to that Valentine’s Day present from you. Oh, and am I so looking forward to meet you again. Because that is the only time I will hear those three words from you again, my dearest professor:

Quiz on Thursday!

Which happens to be a freaking Valentine’s Day.

Lovingly yours,
hendri

My heart is closed for maintenance.

Closed for Maintenance by ~hendrib on deviantART

There are times when no matter what have been done by both parties, both come to a realization that the relationship is not meant to be.

At times like this, our hearts tend to be cold and dark. It’s good to take some time off and just let time heal all the wounds.

Based on You Are In My Heart.

The idea for this work struck when I was walking back from NTU today. I did a very quick edit to my old work, and added the sign, the nail, and the string. For a 1-hour work, I’m quite satisfied with the result.