i’ve been pretty much distracted
i’ve been pretty much distracted the past few days, all the way wasting my time…
wasn’t i the one who said i have to get out of this state?
wasn’t i the one who told myself i just one everyone to be happy with what and who they are?
wasn’t i the one who said “God, just take away my happiness. as long as everyone else are happy with it.”
wasn’t i the one who promised to myself i don’t want to think about the past?
wasn’t i the one who declared that i don’t want any kind of problems with my friends, espeially in terms of friendship and relationships?
wasn’t i the one who told myself to study so hard and forget about everything?
wasn’t i the one who said “anything will do, as long as she’s happy”?
wasn’t i the one who always prayed “God, just give whatever is best to my friends, family, and Spectra”?
wasn’t i the one who promised that i will let God shape my life?
wasn’t i the one who was willing to let go off my life and let God take control?
wasn’t i the one who said to myself i would concentrate on prelims and not let anything shake me off?
wasn’t i the one who would do anything for my friends, as long as it’s feasible?
wasn’t i the one who promised that i would care about any of my friends as much as, if not more than, i do myself and my family?
wasn’t i the one who said that i would be willing to sacrifice myself for my friends?
everything is just bullshit. bullshit. i can’t believe that i just can’t do most of those…
ps: lessons learnt today: i shouldn’t stand up so suddenly after i’ve sat down for quite some time, especially in church, otherwise i might feel giddy and just embarass myself. and also: i shouldn’t eat crab sandwich with 9 cereals bread at delifrance if i don’t want to make a big mess and in the end embarass myself.