How To Piss Off Your Friends…
From Bohemia Bunny.
And be the bipolar loner you always say you are.
- Whine about how sad your life is.
- When people try to cheer you up, tell them they don’t understand.
- Threaten to cut/harm/kill yourself.
- Look happy, and then complain that you feel compelled to be cheerful when you’re hurting so badly inside.
- Go the other extreme and be very, very Goth. Talk about the darkness inside your soul and how it’s consuming you atom by atom.
- Always be on the verge of tears. “Bravely” hold them in.
- When you do something wrong, do a global stable attribution (e.g. “I’m so stupid and clumsy”) rather than a restricted unstable attribution (”The tray is heavy and my hands are tired”).
- Refuse all compliments strenuously. Tell people you hate your voice if you’re a singer, you hate your face if you’re a model, or that you hate your horrible fat thighs and cellulite if you’re a skinny stick. If they try and convince you of your error, tell them they’re only saying that because they’re your friends.
- Frown. A lot. Then say that nothing’s the matter.
- Write stupid emo blog posts that are by turns snarky, attention-seeking and emotional diarrhea.
Eg: Stupid bitch dared to talk to me today, who does she think she is. OMG someone save me before I kill myself, I can’t stand even being on the same earth as her. I so mean it, I’ll do anything to be rid of her. I feel so shitty, she sucks in all my positive energy and I’m left feeling like an empty shell of myself. Why, oh why is my life such a torment?
Do the above, in any combination, and you should soon find yourself alone and friendless. Which is the way you wanted it, right?