A Better Title

just remembered that i liked this song, and haven’t uploaded the lyrics into my blog yet… it was featured in the recent animation ‘finding nemo’.

Beyond The Sea
Sung by: Robbie Williams

We’ll meet beyond the shore
We’ll kiss just as before
Happy we’ll be beyond the sea
And never again I’ll go sailing
Some sailing

2 more days to weekends / asean seniors night… getting slightly more tense.

bah…

my plans earlier are a little screwed. study plans, talking plans, socialising plans… haiz… but then no time to contemplate about those things… gotta prepare for prelims.

still feeling weird about a couple of stuff…

i’m starting to get scared.

seriously scared.

shudders…

well, nothing much today too… except prob thank you to all of you who’s been there for me. i really appreciate everything.

3 more days to the weekends. while others are prob looking forward, i’m somewhat scared. that all those will happen all over again. and plus this week is asean seniors night. something happened today which is quite weird. but i’m not really in the mood to talk about it.

ah, well… anyway, here are my favourite quotes of the past few days:

“you have to think about the rationale. if you don’t start, you’re gonna screw up your prelims.”
note: well, i guess quite true. one of the reasons why i start mugging.

“if you just behave as yourself, i dun think you will screw up.”
note: maybe…. maybe…

“if you don’t go just because of somebody, you’re gonna regret it for the rest of your life.”
note: ok, fair enough.

i think there are a few more.. but i can’t remember what those are. ah well… better get back to my mugging…

whoa i’m so sleepy…

just slept through f maths… must be because i stayed back till like 10 pm yesterday to study. couldn’t finish according to my revision plan though. but never mind, since i put the last few days to revise stuff like physical quantities and measurements, which i can re-allocate to re-revise the topics i was supposed to finish yesterday.

by the way my english is getting worse… stuff like using ‘accidentally’ instead of ‘coincidentally’… bah.

time to go for australian maths competition…

ah…. feeling better after the weekend… hope that it won’t ever happen again.

seniors night coming closer still… and my revision is going quite badly… am quite tired now… fell asleep during f maths tut today. btw, today was my full kt / full maths day. first 3 periods were kt’s fm tuts. then went for recess. then went for australian maths comp, also under kt. then after that went for kt’s double fm lecture. then after lunch was triple computing.

nothing much today… coursework still sucks. have to go for physics s tut in -15 mins time… it should start at 4.30 pm.

btw, welcome to my blog, chin fung.

went absolutely crazy the past weekend. for completeness sake, i uploaded my account here. go read it yourself if you have time. 10 mms’s, that’s a total of around 9000-10000 characters. some parts have been removed as they contain somewhat sensitive materials. i just hope that they will never, ever happen again…

MMS Blog: 03:44:45 28/07/03

3.30 AM, on my bed.

aaaargh.. Nooo.. Not this feeling again… I seriously hate it… The feeling of regret of what i could have achieved. The feeling of misery over myself. The feeling of lack of hope for myself. The thoughts of…*ed.- typed something here. decided to take it out.*. Which i don’t want to happen. But those thinkings are beyond my control. At least as of now…

why? Why is it so difficult? Why is it just so plain difficult? For me to be back as the hendri of early 2002? Why? I just don’t understand…

went crazy again today… Ate lots of snacks in one go. Stuff like a big pack of lay’s potato chips, and a pack of oreo double stuf… Not to mention an apple and cherry too. And, by the way, i clearly exceeded the daily recommended amount of saturated fat intake. One serving of the potato chips contains 20% of saturated fat recommended per day. Guess how many servings are there per bag? 7 servings. And i ate them all. One go.

i’m going nuts… I’d better go for check up or something…

MMS Blog: 03:16:50 27/07/03

3 AM, on my bed.

i just read through my log of the journey. Felt that i was absolutely crazy. Nuts. Out of my mind. Mentally challenged.

i came back at 11.45 on a cab. The security guard wasn’t there when we came in.. Hmmm… Anyway, the journey back costed me $4.70. That works out to be a 6-km trip. And i can tell you, i was taking the longer trip. The taxi was probably taking a shortcut, i was taking the route taken by bus 74. Must be around 10 km as it took me 2 hours.

had a talk with AAJH. I just knew what he would say to me, all the same advice one would give to someone in my situation. Well, i know you won’t be reading this, but thanks anyway… But the only problem is that everytime i see the light at the end of the tunnel, and i made a move to reach for it, i always end up getting back at the same spot or further. And the pretty disturbing is the false hope that precedes it, the same feeling that i’m getting closer to that light. And that’s what truly disappoints me. Sigh…

MMS Blog: 23:25:50 26/07/03

11 PM, one bus stop past ‘the place’ on the other side of the earlier stop.

if you don’t get what i meant, i was saying i walked past ‘the place’ again from where i sent my previous post, and now i’m at the following bus stop.

i’m just tired, exhausted, angry, hungry, and disappointed at myself… But i don’t feel like going back. I don’t feel like eating. I don’t feel like studying. I practically don’t feel like doing anything. Not even sleeping. I’m very confused…

on the other hand, another friend alighted at this bus stop just now. Apparently she alighted at the wrong bus stop. Accidentally, she’s my previous crush. It’s just that i didn’t get to know her better after orientation (she was in my og) and the feeling faded… And noone knows about this anyway…

Heh, i guess that’s another person who would say i’m crazy… When she asked what i’m doing here, i answered that i was just walking around, and that i was from kap… And i tell you, kap is way far away from here… No wonder she was, like, saying ‘all the way here?’ with that surprised look…

And by the way, it’s very late now…. i think i’d better catch a cab home… Before i get into trouble trying to enter my own hostel…