A Better Title

Just totally revamped my blog… Whaddya think? Should I make the dates appear or disappear by default? It’s supposed to be consistent with the rest of the Humming Bird Project, by the way….

Renamed my blog to Hendri’s Diary. Made a space for my new project. Quite in a mood to do some web design. But still have lotsa homework to do. And a few other unfinished school projects. Dunno which must be done first…

I’m seriously getting tired of all this… I’m getting bored of everything… Why is it that if I decide to do something which is going to be very helpful in getting me out of my problems, there will always be something else happening that will prevent me to do so? And it always happens at the last minute. Today was one. But I’m not going to contemplate over it. it’s just getting too disturbing. and too childish too… sigh sigh sigh… basically today i’m quite P-I-S-SED OFF… (to copy jim carrey in bruce almighty)

still feeling very nostalgic… just sort of remembered everything that happened last year…. hoping that everything can happen again… that everything will be back to normal. but then it’s like hoping that a marble, set into oscillating motion inside a shoebox to quantumly tunnel outside. ok, maybe not that extreme, but the probability right now is inifinitesimally small… sigh…

by the way, bought Image 3 CD today. Nice songs… go download the songs or buy the cd if you have time. oh, if anyone knows where i can get the song ‘god-shaped hole’ by plumb (featured in bruce almighty), please let me know.

MMS Blog: 16/06/03 22:08 PM

At the bus stop waiting for a bus back to hostel. Just watched bruce almighty. A good show. Very hilarious! But somehow i’m just starting to hate people who care about other people. Just makes me feel bad all over again.

i miss my old self. I miss the happy-go-lucky guy that i was. I miss all the friendships that i had. Or i thought i had…

on a bus now. MW is sitting right beside me now… Didn’t really talk much to him… He’s been reading an issue of readers’ digest today, as he’s doing now. Vainly wishing someone else was here…

watching a news report on hello kitty on tvmobile. Just realised she doesn’t have any mouth… They said it allows you to see her with different expressions. If you’re happy, she can be smiling. If you’re down, she can be comforting you… Nice…

hmmm, they just flashed pck’s sar-vivor rap. A bit irritating after a while.

looking at some people who’s rather amused at me typing while looking at tv. Lol…

time to stop.

lotsa thoughts rushing around in my mind last night… again… feeling very nostalgic… again… My case with someone else last year was not that bad–it lasted for 3 months only, followed by a few months of not talking to that someone else, and everything was back to normal. but that time it was my fault–i was playing a fool with other people. and it backfired… i can’t believe my case this year lasts until now. and it’s still as bad. and this time it’s not even my fault. i was just doing what i thought was right.

will be going to watch a movie later today with (surprise!) MW (a.k.a. NJX)…. wishing that someone else will be there. not that i don’t enjoy goingwith MW, but that i wished i had the guts to ask that someone else. and yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, i’m going to shorten all names to their initials for privacy reasons. i don’t really fancy people saying my name–especially if it’s something bad…

oh well…

super bored….

and i lost the chocolate i bought the other time a few days ago… sigh… if not because of the reason i bought it for…

sigh.. bored, bored, bored…

and the internet connection’s super slow…

Sometimes I just kinda can’t believe that i’m now actually staying in singapore. it’s just like everything feels like a dream… when i pass by road signs written in english… when i talk to my friends, when i look at the boarding school… everything just seems so surreal… so untrue…

but anyway…

today i went for smo.. that’s singapore maths olympiad, by the way. got excused from going to school to hand in my maths assignment, so asked my friend to hand mine to uncle keith instead. so during the smo, the invigilator was this bitchy lady who keeps on clearing her throat whenever she sees something suspicious. and when she heard a ringing tone from one of the people in the lt, she immediately said to the people that she had reminded us to switch off all our handphones. of course, ironic laughter could be heard when a few mins later her own handphone rang. and she put it inside her handbag while she was walking around, so she took a while to answer the call… lol..

but other than that, i guess nothing much. been wasting my time the past few days. either that or i went to school to finish up spectra work. oh well, back to my net surfing…

i’m trying to download enter the matrix no cd crack now, although to no avail. it just can’t download the thing… but hey wait! It’s WORKING!!! Yay! Gotta check it out later when I go upstairs.

Offline blog: 3:12 AM 09/06/2003

A few more lessons I learnt today…

• That I desperately need to tidy up my place
  My table is a mess! Everything’s simply everywhere! Where else can you find a stack of blank CDs on top of a CD wallet, which lies beside a loaf of bread, nicely put in a plastic bag, lying on top of my wallet, which lies on top of two SAT books, which lie on top of my plastic file, next to my set of spoon and fork, and so on and so forth…
• That Mdm. Tham can be casual too
  Go check out the ACJC Forum, Discipline Section!
• That my case of interchanging starting letters of words is becoming worse
  Because my frequency of saying foon and spork [spoon and fork], and playing loon and pan [pool and lan] is increasing.
• That you really, really shouldn’t do pull-ups when your mind tells you not to
  My arms still hurt till now… ouch…
• That too much sleep can give you headache
  Which will only disappear after some time.
• That sometimes it’s not your best friend that comes to your rescue when you need help
  Talked to AS about my problem… the problem regarding the other species… another victim whom I made to listen about my rants over and over again… But this time he offered some solutions, which he said he would gladly help me do in order to get everything back to normal.. I hope
• That it’s all going back to choices… which I ultimately have to make
  AS pointed out that I will have to make the choices in the end… Whether I would want to proceed with anything more out of the friendship. Whether I would want to be back in friendship terms.
• That I would have to be the one making the move at least to restore our friendship
  As pointed by AS too… I would have to be the one talking to her at least.
• That shyness is another problem, which has to be overcome
  Again, pointed out by AS. Sometimes I’m just too shy to do anything about it… to change what I could have changed…
• That laptop is actually quite hot when you’re working on it literally on top of your lap
  As I experienced after doing so for around 1 hour or so.
• That it’s normal for people my age to have crushes
  I have nothing to say…
• That life is not a game
  You can’t simply save your life and load it anytime you want. Once you lose it, you lose it. Sure, you can recover most of the parts, but it’s not as easy as pressing Ctrl+L or anything like that.

a few lessons i learnt the past few days: don’t do pull-ups on the day you both don’t have enough sleep and are very tired. and don’t book a movie both only a few days after its opening and during the weekends.

after school on friday, i attempted to do a few pull-ups with my friends, despite me having been sleeping at 2 am the previous few nights and 4 am that morning itself. ended up having a very bad muscle aches the next morning, tho i woke up at 1 pm or so… and i think that was the worst muscle aches i ever had. and that’s what i got for doing 1 set of 1 pull-up and 3 sets of 0 pull-ups, ie. just hanging myself on the bar. sigh…

finally in the night of friday, somehow i just knew that the holidays are going to be boring. attempted to re-install enter the matrix game which i copied to my cds. didn’t work. and the stupid installation took at least 20 minutes. and i fell asleep halfway. though woke up a few minutes later. but anyway, then after that attempted to watch the matrix (1) dvd which i just borrowed from dover market. didn’t work either. it just kept on crashing. shall borrow the matrix vcd instead tomorrow when i go to the shop to return the dvd.

attempted to get my batch of indonesian scholars to have a batch outing on sat, but got rejected by most. very disappointed… sigh… anyway, it’s partly my fault to ask them only on the day of the outing, and also to choose a quite old movie–bruce almighty. ended up watching finding nemo with 3 people instead. it was a very good show! i enjoyed it despite us sitting in the front row–and yeah, those are the last few seats available. and i couldn’t believe i was holding back my emotions on some parts of the show… silly me.. maybe i’m just too fragile nowadays…

hmm… maybe changing the plan of movie to be watched wasn’t such a good idea. there’s some person who finally changed their mind when i told that person we’re changing the plan… sigh… o well…

the holiday momentum must have come unto me, cos i’m not feeling unhappy, despite the fact that i didn’t manage to pass the letter to her, as i said earlier. oh well, guess i can now eat the thing myself. lol… and forget about everything. or maybe i should just keep everything and wait till another time. this i will decide later. brain is tired. so is body.

really got a-a-b-c for my term exams results. not so bad after all.

and yeah, maybe i’m just making myself so tired that i won’t have the energy to think about my probs the past few days… which seems to work. but the other aspects of me are at risk.

and yeah, maybe it’s all over. maybe it’s now time to pick up the pieces, and look right ahead, ’cause things aren’t so wrong after all.

ugh… me making smaller and smaller sense…

happy holidays, folks…