A Better Title

Ninerz.com is back online. Switching back soon! Check at http://hendri.ninerz.com in case this one is not up-to-date. As a precaution, if ninerz.com is ever offline again, I’ll switch back to this blogspot address.

Semi-offline blog: 5:35 PM 4/25/03 - typed this in the library in blogger.com but somehow couldn’t upload it. decided to save it and try again later.

I’m feeling better this past few days…

But maybe not really… you see, i somehow realise that i’ve been having short term memory losses the past few weeks or so. or maybe it’s months… there was one time when my friend called me to ask me to pack his dinner. i was putting my bag in the dining hall of the boarding school, and was about to queue up to get my breakfast. and in the boarding school, if you want to have your dinner packed, you’ve to write down your name in the list provided near the serving area. and the next thing i know, i queued up, wrote my own name in the list, had my breakfast, and went off… whoops. but luckily he didn’t get angry or anything…

got scolded yesterday by my hallmaster, since he said my room was untidy. i told him that my friend and i (my friend being another person who got scolded) just came back, and went straight away for prep (aka. study time in some places). but he only replied “that means you never tidy up your room for the past 3 months, is it?” stupid him. the thing is that i put my things and rushed down after i came back only because i didn’t want to be scolded by him for coming down late.. so in other words my situation was something like if i didn’t tidy up, i would have been scolded for not tidying up, and if i did, i would have been scolded for coming late for prep… but i didn’t bring it up though, since i know it would be futile anyway.

but anyway, he told me that he didn’t want my water bottles to be put on my table. then i asked him where i should put my water bottles, in case i want to drink. then he answered to put them in the toilet. “others can, why can’t you?” or so he said. the thing is, ‘others’ also put their water bottles in the room. not on the table, maybe, but on, say, the dividers in the room. or on the bed. or somewhere. but putting the water bottles in the toilet?? what if suddenly i thirst at night? must i go to the toilet first before drinking?

oh yar, must mention also about my roommate, who apparently talked to the halltutors about our situation, and finally decided to move to another room. so he’ll be moving this weekend. it’s both good or bad. it’s good because it could ‘relieve my sufferings and also relieve his sufferings,’ to quote him. but the bad thing is that it only means that our relationship has been really bad. and that all the hall tutors know about this already.

oh well, but anyway, the week has been relatively good, i would say. at least compared to other weeks in the year…

oh, another thing is that the zip disk for spectra crashed 2 days ago, while i was making backup copy of the contents. was very pissed off. all the contents are basically gone. which means everyone in spectra must resubmit everything all over again… and the teacher wants the whole thing to be done and uploaded on the 9 may. dunno if we woule have time or not. got a few people to finally chip in their help though.

but still, i’m feeling better this past few days…

now, time to settle my $200 phone bill…

Offline blog: 2:54 AM 20/04/2003

Feeling mentally unstable again today. Was asked to do the school annual CD in the morning, but didn’t have the mood to do anything at all, so decided to ignore the message till something like 4.30 pm, before I finally went to his room and did little things.

Then went to church. Today was holy saturday. It was strange. The unveiling of Christ on the cross just somehow filled my feelings then. Frankly speaking, I’ve never been very religious in my life. But today made me think again. And it was also in church that I realised how wonderful the event of baptism is, that I wished that I could be baptised again. Maybe if I were to be baptised again, it could relive my faith, such that I can have the strength to carry on.

But then went back, and somehow was very unstable mentally. Just like the last time, when a mixture of feelings is inside me. And there was this urge to punch whatever in sight. Luckily managed to supress it.

Heh, my Media Player is running Escape Club’s I’ll Be There. Sigh… Reminds me of the past. I think there’s this part of me that wants something more out of us. But then there’s another part of me who says that if it were to happen, I will only screw up the whole thing.

Bleargh, now my Media Player’s running Frank & Nancy Sinatra’s Something Stupid. Only that my case is a wee bit different. And then I go and spoil it off by saying something stupid like ‘I like you’… Stupid me. Shouldn’t have said it at the first place. But what can a disturbed mind like mine was do?

And the more I think of it, the more regretful I am.

Better stop now.

Oh, must mention one funny thing that happened when I was in church. I got this call from some unknown home number. The call was made to my old number, which was diverted to my new number. I rejected the call and so the call was forwarded to my voice mailbox. After church, I checked my voice mailbox, and took some time to decipher the message before realising that the call was actually made by my hall tutor, which said: “Hendri, come out, eat beansoup.” Dots…

And maybe I should mention about my next web programming project that just come up in my mind. Was thinking of doing my own blog program thingie. Will probably call it something like MOB, stands for My Online Blog. This way I don’t always have to rely on Blogger for my blogs. Who knows, I may also put some extra features like feedback or something else that I haven’t thought of. Anyway, you’ll know that I finally manage to squeeze some free time to do this when you don’t see the Powered by Blogger button thingie under the links boxes to the side. Maybe it’ll change to Powered by MOB or something. Lol…

Offline blog: 4:06 AM 13/04/2003

I woke up this morning (this morning being yesterday, on 12 April at 12.45 pm) from a bittersweet dream… and a ridiculous too. Or maybe it was 2 different dreams? Anyway, in the first one, I found myself sitting in a vehicle (can’t remember what it was) next to the certain she. And guess what happened next? I asked her out. (d’oh, we were already out in the dream…) And guess where I asked her out to? Changi Airport. (d’oh, like there’s no other better places…) And guess how she answered? She thought about it for a while, before nodding with that unsure look. (d’oh, like Changi Airport is some !@#$% place… But considering the SARS situation…)

I can’t really remember what happened next, but I only remembered that after that my dream changed to this ridiculous scene where there’s this guy who wanted to go to some place. And the next thing I know, there’s this elephant who’s supposed to accompany him. And the funny thing… The elephant can (!@#$%^&*) swim. And off they went to this river and they almost fell off the edge of a waterfall. And then the elephant saved the guy and they went to the beach. And off they went swimming across the ocean (!!!!) only to stop halfway as the guy remembered that they’re supposed to go somewhere else.

Have I bored you yet?

Anyway, why did I call it bittersweet? Because I found myself waking up, only to realise that whatever happened in my dreams can never happen in real life. It needs a miracle, a very grand one for the first to happen. (I guess that’s what you would call your dream girl, eh? lol…) And an even greater one for the second. And why was it ridiculous? Easy to guess, eh?

Ninerz.com is still down until now. I still don’t have the time to check with the people responsible though as the comp lab at boarding school is still closed and I’m still busy clearing up my new mails I have acquired during the break. That’s why I haven’t blogged for quite a while now and that’s why I’m switching back to blogspot for the moment.

Oh, by the way, I rented Lilo and Stitch DVD during the break. That’s a not bad deal for $5 at Dover Market. I would suggest you get in touch with one, and not only touch it, but also watch it. I never realised that DVD has a superb audio-video quality, not to mention a whole load of extra stuff they put inside.

Oh yeah, out of boredom, I decorated my wall with a collage of 56 photographs that I’ve taken through my stay in Singapore. Ok, actually only the photographs I’ve taken since half of last year. So now it looks like a gallery. Maybe if I’ve got myself an access to a scanner, I’ll take a photo of my own collection of photos, and then post it up.

I have to mention these two quotations that I obtained from my so-called “2003 Motivation Calendar”. That’s a calendar in which you can find the small versions of those motivation posters. You know, those where there’s this big picture and then there’s this text below relating something to the picture that’s supposed to, well, motivate you. I bought the calendar much earlier this year, but I never knew that these will hit me now. Anyway, they are:

“A diamond is just a piece of coal that did well under pressure”

“You know you’re on the road to success…
when you realise that failure is just a detour”

Simple, and a bit corny, but they just struck me the moment I read them. And, oh, how true they are. You may be under a lot of pressure from your surroundings and your life. But once you got through that period of time successfully, oh, how sparkling a person you have proven you are! As for the second one, if you put such a mindset, I think it can help you a lot. Then you’ll know that no matter what happens to you, you’ll succeed in the end, once you get back on track.

I think everyone should learn from these two quotations. But the problem is: I haven’t gone through that period successfully yet. And I don’t have the mindset of the second. And even if I have, I still haven’t found the track I’ve been following all the while.

I’m listening to Pachelbel’s Canon in D now. I dunno why but the song just seems to bring back a lot of memories. All the sweet and bitter memories are coming back at me. From what happened when I was in my secondary school in Indonesia, to the moment I got the scholarships to Singapore, to what happened around my ‘O’ Level time, till what’s happening now. I’d like to talk more about it, but they’re kinda long or too personal to mention here.

Oh, my Windows Media Player playlist puts Collin Ray’s Love Me as the next song. I’ve never really paid attention to the lyrics of the song before, but again, they kinda struck me now. I don’t know why it can do so, since it seems to be just another ballad. Or maybe it’s the tone of the song… Or is it because I’m typing this at 4 AM? Anyway, the lyrics are below. I ripped that straight from the song, so errors are expected.

Love Me
by: Collin Ray

Between now and then,
Until I see you again
I’ll be loving you
Love me