Today when I walked out
Wednesday, January 29th, 2003Today when I walked out of the school, one of my friends asked me why I haven’t updated my blog for quite some time. I just told him that it’s an intrusion to privacy if you think about it. But then, after all, how many people actually come and take a look at my blog? The answer is simple, almost none. Yep, I actually installed a counter-cum-tracker in my blog page, so I know who has seen my blog. So I thought again, maybe it’s time to update… And time to ramble on my problems once again… Oh, btw, I hope this is an original idea to type out of my blog offline, and then only putting it up the following day. 
I don’t know why but I’ve been experiencing mood swings and emotional instability since the start of the year. One day I can be very friendly, the other day I just can’t be bothered to talk to that person sitting right in front of me during chapel, no matter what. And yeah, in doing so I kinda screwed up our relationships… And there I am, screwing up things… again… And if you, the person sitting in front of me during chapel, happen to read this (I believe I know who you are. If in doubt, ask me), I just wanna tell you: I’m really sorry. How I wish I could have a different personality. But I can’t. Not at this time.
And some time I just become angry at that unidentifiable something at the boarding school such that I feel like crying and going into rampage and throwing everything everywhere, all at the same time, though it never happened so far. But who knows? My suspicion automatically falls on what had already happened last year. All those things that pissed me off, all those mistakes (ref: one of the older blogs).
And I found myself having to distract myself to prevent me from doing anything stupid which is detrimental to myself and to others. But I can’t distract myself all the time, can I?
And this thought just kept on coming across my mind: Why should I care about other people if noone cares about me?
Typed on: 11:23 PM 28-01-2003
