As I lay down on my bed last night, I couldn’t help but to recall all what had happened earlier in my life. Picture after picture of the wonderful friendships that I used to have in my Indonesian school, my junior high school graduation day in Indonesia, my secondary school Senior’s Night in Singapore. However after a few hours or so, I suddenly realise that it’s the bad memories that kept on repeating in my mind very vividly.
The regret of not studying as hard as I could for my junior high exams. The intense sadness that overcame me when two of my friends called me as being antisocial, which was not true at all, simply because I was a quiet guy at school. The day when I lost in a card game with my friends, when I was supposed to call this girl as a forfeit, and at the end of the day I dumbly made everyone think that I liked her, only to backfire against me after that. I won’t go into details on this, it’s kinda complicated.
Then come JC life. The pain of being called acting cute when I didn’t know what he was talking about. The sorrow that I had to endure when I was forced to be irritating to my fellow scholars just because the MOE officials wanted them to do something, but they refused, so I was supposed to ‘force’ them. And yeah, there was this guy who told me openly that I WAS being irritating. (It helped so much when someone told me she understood my position. I don’t want to type her name down here. If you think you’re her, and you happen to read this, THANKS A LOT!). Then came the second half of the year, when I’m supposed to do publication for my CCA, which had faced so many problems since the J2s left. From the lack of enthusiasm of the members to the unending lack of communication within the CCA back then. Furthermore it was only a few weeks before the Promotional Exams. The weeks after the Promos and before the holidays saw me being pissed off almost every other day of the week. It wasn’t a surprise that I’ve cried three times so far this year, the most it has ever happened since I wasn’t allowed to play in the playground when I was Primary 3.
It would have been a much longer list had I not eliminated those minor ones, or those too private to tell…
What has happened to me? Over the years of my life in Singapore, I’ve become softer and softer, being shaken by all the turbulence in my life. I just couldn’t find the strong, old Hendri that I was. Or I thought I was. And then I realised that I immersed myself in so many activities just to run away from those problems, what the hell is going on? I’ve become a workaholic. Or have I?
or maybe i’m just too tired/bored now… i dunno?
