A Better Title

what’s wrong with me today? i woke up at 3.30 pm… after more than 12 hours of sleep…

and boarding school comp lab was super slow this afternoon… so decided to download opera. it’s a darn good browser, i tell you! super fast! but of course, not all sites can be viewed properly using opera.

but anyway, back to the topic i’ve wanted to bring up since a couple of weeks ago…
why is it that i almost always make the wrong choices? this has nothing to do with the matrix, btw… i mean, most of the choices that i’ve made in my life are either diastrous or just results in something bad… i mean, it’s ok if i make it once or twice, but if i make it most of the time i’ve to make a choice?

You are Cypher, from “The Matrix.”
Selfish, disllusioned, you are misguided at
times. You deviate from the “right”
path.

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha, stumbled upon these quotes from my brother’s website:

Cogito ergo doleo
(I think, therefore I am depressed)

Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes
(If you can read this, you are well educated)

time to stop thinking about everything?

but anyway,

this week is quite a good week. except for the terms of course… always slept at 2+ before papers, trying to cram whatever i can manage to read. but tuesday i woke up at 1.30 pm, cos i had no paper. then went to school to study. ended up talking to a teacher and friends. then wednesday, went to finally watch matrix reloaded. it was awesome! and print spectra posters too. so today we had the presentation as well as put the very nice, a3 size, colour posters around the canteen. before i received back my physics paper.

but as i said: it’s all over…

i guess it’s all over…

i feel like crying.
not because i didn’t get the top in the class.
not because i have little chance of getting an a for physics.
i’m perfectly fine with those.
but it’s just that this sense of regret that i didn’t even try my best.
and why?
because of my own bloody problems.

well, i guess it’s all over…

ok, my blog is super long… just realised that…

Am at school now, though no paper today… feeling a li’l bit extra. not that many people that i noe stay in school also…

btw, those of you readers of my blog, let me tell you this before anything bad happens: access to my blog is a privilege, not a right. i’m currently treating my blog as my diary. in fact, that’s the only diary that i keep. so, by giving you the password to my blog, i’m assuming you’re trustworthy enough. so, keep everything to yourself.
now, time to have my lunch…

GPRS e-mail blog: 00:35 AM 27/05/2003

Sitting alone at acs i grand stand now. Been using it as my private sanctuary the past few days. Now past midnight. 2mr no paper. Sending this via GPRS to e-mail, to be updated into blog when i go online.

maybe i cling to my past too much… I admit im a person wholl always cherish the past, trying to keep everything, good or bad. Without my past, i wont be able to live now. I still keep most of my old e-mails, old contact lists, old cards… Either that or ill remember the things by heart, even those that hurt me then. Maybe thats why im having my difficulties now. I just cant let go of them… So much for having such a good memory… Sigh…

btw, the humming of the external air con unit sounds cool… Almost like sound of airplane… =)

Offline blog: 4:01 PM 25/05/2003

Sigh… feeling a little bit nostalgic today. It just seems that despite my effort to let go of the past–mainly my depression the past half a year and my problems–it just keeps on coming back to haunt me. And the stupid boarding school comp lab just couldn’t access blogger. so here i am, in front of my computer, typing out whatever i’m feeling, only to upload it some other time.

i mean, i’m tired of running away, but at the same time, i don’t want my past to keep on haunting me… and the guy i had lunch with today happily asked me if i have any girlfriends yet. good timing there. i mean, i wouldn’t complain so much if not because tomorrow is my term exams. well… it just seems that everything is just nice, timed such that one problem will come up one after another…

really think i need to go to a psychiatrist to get help on letting go of the past. and no, i don’t want my family to know anything about my problems…

i cried listening to The Corrs’ No More Cry (pun unintended). I dunno… maybe it’s just the lyrics. or maybe because i used to sing it for the certain she and another friend. if you think i did that because i was romantic, you’re gonna die laughing. i did that as a forfeit for losing a game of cards with my friend. of course, that was way long, long time ago, even before i knew her better.

Oh well, I’d better study for my term exams now…

“… Turning the key, unlocking the door,
embracing the roller coaster world
Stepping outside, body and soul,
taking whatever future holds
…
And you know we’ve all been hurt before.”

- “Hurt Before”, The Corrs

No, no more cry, no more cry
No more cry, no more cry…

Installed backblog from BlogExtra on my page. Credits go to et (again) for using one himself.